A very nice day

So i am sitting on my balcony and writing this while i watch the stars...

Sometimes... Somedays are just plain boring... You can intrusive moments where you feel someone is budding into your personal space by nosing about your business... Somedays you feel like your feeling just for crushed like a bubble wrap... There are some special days when you see that someone smile and you hurt just feels so warm, nice and mushy... Someday you just want to fucking kill someday.. Well today i didn't feel anything.. Which is not shocking as i am apathetic most of the time and i sense no pain, and i am like a freaking robot... But today it wasn't the part that i didn't feel anything that shocked me! It was the EMPTY part.. The part where... I don't know... I hope i ain't the only alien feeling these "mars" like feelings.. But how do people cope with it? How do people change these feelings? How do people feel better the next day after having a "begining of the end" day the day before? How! HOW! HOW! I just don't know!!

I can't help but wonder... How come my friend's have feelings that i don't have... I've had friends calling me up crying to talk to me! I've had friends who talk to me about break ups and family problems and feel sad about it! I wonder how it feels to have those emotions sometimes.. Clinically, nothing is wrong with me as i have set in psych class and i have read and done tests to know that i am HUMAN after all.. But sometimes i amaze myself. :) When i do have interest in something or someone, i will show it a lil bit more clearly. I am like one of those kids you will come across in kindergarden, when i like someone i will punch them on their shoulder and go "i think i like you!" but i might just mean it after all! Owh well, every cloud has it's shape.. Maybe i haven't found mine yet... Are we doing this right? Are we doing life the right way? AM I DOING IT RIGHT? I just know that i am doing it... I don't know right... I don't know wrong... i am just doing life... Like every one of us... I don't know how some people have found the purpose and faith to become something or someone... I don't know how some people think that they have a higher purpose... I wish i knew how.. But i am still discovering mine i guess. ANYWAY... that aside... Days go by... Till september will come.. Maybe i will start feeling more! MAYBE and the pigs can fly and the world will have peace! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Undercover Feelings

So now and then we will have those feelings creeping up on us and we will end up FEELING it... RIGHT... On Friday... I guess mine just creeped up and caught up with me... I am pretty emotionless most of the time... Well except for laughing shit loads and basically that's it... i am usually apathetic which is sad right LOL.. Yeah back to the drama... My feelings caught up with me... and i called somebody...and i feel like a bo-zo and not a ho-bo!! La li la li la...and Walaa... I ended up listening to John Legend's "Heaven Only Knows" at the end of the evening when i was going to bed. WALAAAAAAA... Hahahaha

Sometimes people make choices in their life that they will regret... But these are the very same mistakes that will help us understand ourselves better maybe.. Or just diss the shit out of us when we are totally feeling down! But what the hell, these are the feelings and these are the times that matters the most to every single person and we shouldn't loose these feelings for anyone at all i guess.. Well unless you love someone to bits and pieces and crumbles like how i love my besties! Owh welll... I rambled on... THAT'S THAT! By the way... I think if anyone out there is reading this, they should watch Seven Pounds, as it is a great movie :)

Postsecret and things

Its been ages since i last wrote. Marina has got me a new arm band that says, THINK LOVE, which means i have to be a bit more positive and think about not dissing people anymore. I was reading through postsecret today and i realised that i have loads of the secrets that i LOVE and so i am gonna post up some of them that i love :). Hope you guys like it as well :
































































































That's it for now..I don't wanna drown it :). Leaving to sabah tomorrow :)

Christmas... 2008... 2009

Christmas has come to be...and i am totally in towards looking forward to 2009...
Today is officially boxing day...and i am totally stoked about the part where my besties are coming down and we get to spend some quality time together...FINALLY!
Christmas eve dinner was great...i made cocktails and had a good time with Brian and some of my other friends... Cheers to that...
2008 in general was a year to reflect about when 2009 hits i guess.. Its been overall a learning curve for me, coming back home, getting hit hard, loosing my mind, loosing my name, and of course gaining in back and i MET SUCH WONDERFULL FRIENDS this year...its SOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!! I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!!!

2009!!!! HERE I COME!!!

FATNESS

I am sitting in the fucking conference room and i hate the fucking meetings run by FATNESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the day shall progress with me TRYING to work for a change and i still cannot work properly with tons of things in my MIND!
THAT was yesterday by the way...I ate Nando's and i felt much more happier...and i had love in my tummy.... :)...
Running - Let's me feel like i am running away from my problems, Let's me feel like i cannot be caught, Let's me feel like i am reaching euphoria.
Today is Tuesday and i shall try to be nice to everyone...but i would still swear...

I'm sorry

The past weekend has got me thinking about a few things i have done in my life (well not a few...But a LOT!!!) So i would like to take the opportunity to say I AM SORRY. People that i have mentioned in this blog are for real, just that they are named in an awkward manner...

I am sorry to AKD for not celebrating your birthday properly and not meeting up with you properly ever since we moved back HOME!

I am sorry to DM for not talking to you properly and keeping in touch with you properly ever since you moved to INDIA.

I am sorry to XW for not moving with you to Canada and attending school there and picked a low life school for scumbags in fucking New Zealand and moving back to HOME after that and still not visiting you in TORONTO.

I am sorry to JQL for not moving to McMaster to attend their religion school and keeping in touch with you properly while you are still in CANADA.

I am sorry to GL for not meeting up with you after such a long time and still not having beer with you even though i have promised you time and time again...I am just fucking out of time sometime and i am too lazy to make TIME!

I am sorry to SF, JA, AF, VE, CC, AN, IR, DP, GP, DD and very many others for not keeping in touch properly, as yu guys are ages away and i am such a fucker for i need my friends and my loved ones close to feel close to that as i am very physical and i need the hug to make me feel like you guys are here if not then i will miss you guys even more!

I am sorry to BJL for not following you to IKEA last Sunday as i really forgot about it and damn my fucking memory...I highly doubt i can remember my very own birthday sometimes (well that's untrue as i love getting old!) and i am sorry for not attending your dinner events sometimes. :(

I am sorry to GV for not coming around to do more NGO work nowadays as i have to teach in the weekends and work in the weekdays!!!! FUCK..

I am sorry to MJS for breaking your heart and me fucking up our days as i was to young to work that relationship out :( and i regret it very much.

I have more people to say i am sorry to but i can't recall it anymore :(

sorry about that

Sarnan

Office Politics... and food

So i entered the working world a tad bit earlier than some of us... pfftt...what the fuck right?! I came across this cool as photo online and i had a look at with two of my close colleague. So we came to a conclusion that the "fatness"'s best description is "BIRD BRAIN" and plenty more... Damn that picture made my day

I didn't want to work in an office environment as it will definately bring me down mentally and the thought of sitting in front of your fucking PC (mine's a laptop sorry) and typing your heart out trying to run a multi million (for some instance billion) dollar company.....FUCKING HELL!!! I cannot do it man.... But here i am doing it... Well enough complaining i guess..Take STEPS...Make the MEASURES...Weigh out the POSSIBILITIES and Make the MOVE i guess. I might be earning good money...But i am not happy. I wish i didn't have a heart to care...But i don't

So i tried cooking a new and improved version of pasta the other day...Which i am totally happy about...I am stoked about my new place and the fact that i can FINALLY HAVE A FULLY EQUIPED KITCHEN...Fuck man...I will go nuts cooking...and eating and like totally be spending shit loads of money on cooking :) I didnt; take a photo of the pasta soo i can't actually load it up on here now can i!!!!

Looserfish